apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
