I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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