i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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