wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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