1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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