anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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