if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
