There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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