Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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