so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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