You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
