She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
so much tequila, so little girl.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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