Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
