i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
