apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize