I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize