Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Jerry, you need to find god
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
