I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
