i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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