Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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