Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
