He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
