none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
