ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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