**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
