What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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