im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
