Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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