I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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