So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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