I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize