You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
