I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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