Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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