so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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