Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
