i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
