If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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