i barfeds in our rink
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize