i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
