Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
