whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
