Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
