I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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