Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
