I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
