You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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