I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
