Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
