You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize