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I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
