I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
