I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
