Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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