So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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