The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
