I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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