I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
me + whiskey = a bad person
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
