this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
