There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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