yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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