Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
