Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
