Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You've changed since you got that strap on
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
