I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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