I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
