Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
