she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
