Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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