if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
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